If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
