dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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