so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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