so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
