i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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