She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
