So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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