omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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