If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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