She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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