idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
