I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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