I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
