I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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