I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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