Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
