those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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