Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
