i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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