I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
