So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
