Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
