barbara walters just said penis...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
