This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
