how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Holy sore nipples Batman
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
