You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
