i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You don't make any sense
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