Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
