Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
