I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
