Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
