I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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