There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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