My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
