Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
