how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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