we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
