I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you made out with another girl for some wings
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
