clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
