Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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