He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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