While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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