Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
