rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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