Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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