No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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