I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
