you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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