I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
