Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
