ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
