My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
