I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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