I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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