I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
