I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
