I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
