May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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